In a defensive statement Thursday in the wake of American Vice President Dick Cheney's morphing into a giant head and scowering Tokyo for freshly born Japanese babies after being denied them by government officials, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe appeared at a press conference in Shinjuku to calm the frazzled nerves of Tokyo residents and assure them that Dick Cheney's big fat head would soon exhaust itself and collapse.
"Fellow Tokyoites, the bitter violent attack by this gigantic, jowly Cheney head, I would say, is in its last throes."
Citizens of the Shibuya district begged to differ this morning when the swollen, unctuous, disembodied head scuttled from behind a Tsutaya CD and video store and started blowing smoke out of its ears and telling them all to go fuck themselves.
"Prime Minister Abe should have been in Shibuya this morning," Shibuya resident Yoko Okonomiyaki said to an NHK reporter just before his cameramen was swept up by Cheney's slick and slimy tounge and swallowed whole. "He doesn't know what he's talking about," she continued. "Does anything he say turn out to be true? I swear to God."
The globular, shiny Cheney head was last seen circling the city atop a Yamanote line train, screaming that everyone's questions about his lesbian daughter are completely out of line.
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