Well, it appears that Ann Coulter's Giant Neck™ doesn't freak the crowds out like it used to. There was a time when all it had to do was show up in Shinjuku and people would start spontaneously projectile vomiting and running for their lives. But Tokyoites, though they enjoy a good scare, quickly get bored with the same gargantuan, reptilian beast attacking them over and over and over.
So when Ann Coulter's Giant Neck™ attempted to crash a sumo tournament in central Tokyo by swinging in from the rafters and screeching about the irrelevance of the New York Times and the success of the troop surge in Iraq, the audience just ignored it and continued their enjoyment of the sumo. But if there's one thing Ann Coulter's Giant Neck™ can't take, it's being ignored. At one point, Ann Coulter's Giant Neck™ brushed up against a wrestler as he was crouching down in preparation for a lunge, and he swatted the Neck away like a fly. (A colossal fly made of leather.)
Unfortunately for the Neck, nothing comes between a sumo fan and his sumo. Once it became clear that it wasn't making the splash it had hoped for, Ann Coulter's Giant Neck™ slunk away, but not before attempting to bait the crowd by calling them "sashimi socialists" and making lurid and sexually provocative gestures with its Adam's apple.
Asked afterwards what he thought of the failed impromptu attack, salaryman Yohichi Nakamura, who was attending the sumo tournament with his family, said "What? A neck? Oh, that thing. Yeah, I saw it for a minute but then I forgot it was even there."
Ann Coulter's Giant Neck™ is reportedly rethinking its strategy for making it big outside the U.S. Luckily, it will always be able to collect a paycheck thanks to its regular appearances on Fox News alongside Sean Hannity's Eyebrows™.
1 comment:
Wow! Her neck is long!!!
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