Today the Japanese government unveiled its most potent and deadly weapon yet in the international war on terror: it's a stuffed Hello Kitty doll fully enveloped within a stuffed panda bear. Sinister.
Moreover, Japablum has obtained exclusive access to secret Japanese government plans that outline its intention to drop these new Hello-Kitty-in-a-Panda dolls over strategic locations within the next few days with the intention of cute-ing the evil-doers to death.
Take it from Japablum, the power of these dolls cannot be overestimated. We passed out in a Hello Kitty store once and were out cold for days. Thankfully we were rescued by Deborah Harry and wisked away to St. Thomas to recuperate while Debbie serenaded us with all her greatest hits (her solo hits, but still, hits! sort of.), and we sustained no permanent injuries. But oh, the nightmares.
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