Celebrated burlesque performer and ex-wife of 36-year-old brooding teenager Marilyn Manson recently visited Tokyo to do her famous martini glass routine and instruct Japanese women how to be less cherubic and round-faced and more sharp-featured, angular, pale-faced, and frightening.
"We have so much to learn from her," said Japanese bombshell and famous-for-something-or-other (and Japablum's periodic advice columnist!) Mika Kano. Though Kano and her sister Kyoko could most certainly beat von Teese to death with their bulbous breasts without breaking a sweat, the two agreed that their weird American sensei does have advantages of her own.
"Her face is so narrow and sharp," explained Kyoko. "It could probably cut glass. I want my face to be able to cut glass, too."
"Me too," intoned Mika. "And I also want my face to be visible from space!"
At press time there was no word from Ms. von Teese on the plausibility of this second proposal, though she was quoted as saying she "would be happy to help" with the whole cutting glass thing.
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