Japablum's Random Nightmare Realized

Japablum had a horrible, horrible dream. We were walking through a big fancy house with our cat under one arm and a Diet Pepsi in the other. The sounds of the Psychedelic Furs' Talk Talk Talk album is coming from a room at the end of a long velvet long hallway. We walk towards it, figuring that if they have a Psychedelic Furs album up in this house they're bound to have some Echo and the Bunymen and maybe even a Teardrop Explodes or two.

But as we pad down the hallway, our cat mouthing the words to "All of This and Nothing" and our Diet Pepsi leaking out of a slit at the bottom of the can, we see that the distance between us and the room is not closing; yes, it is getting longer. Just like that scene in Poltergeist when Jobeth Williams runs up the stairs after escaping the murderous swimming pool and all its hungry corpses and she's all like "Get away from my babies! Get away!" and then the hallway gets really long and she has to sprint to outrun the elongating hallway and then when she finally gets to the room she ends up almost being sucked into a giant inflamed vagina. It is just like that.

Anyway, we trot down to the end of the hallway and reach the door, which is red and smells like french fries. We knock on the door and a silver-haired, besuited Japanese man opens, smiling with yellow teeth. He asks no questions and gestures for us to come in. The room is a perfect cube with white walls, a shiny yellow floor, and a bright red table in the center. Another man in a suit stands against the wall and, at the table with a giant pair of headphones on (from whence came the Furs song) is none other than Ronald McDonald. And sitting across the table from him is this:


A chilling, chilling image, yes. But it gets even more lurid and horrible. This cupcake-like character hops across the table, right into Ronald's lap, and the two start having a tickle party. The two gentleman in suits laugh maniacally as Ronald McDonald stands up, his cupcake lover on his shoulder, and walks over to us. He is joined by the two suited men, and together they walk closer and closer. When Ronald is finally face to face with us, he presses our nose like a button and then reaches out and puts the headphones over our ears. But it isn't the Psychedelic Furs we hear. Or Echo and the Bunnymen. Hell, it's not even Falco or A-ha. It's a Rascal Flats song. We scream, pass out, and wake up.

We clamber over to the computer and get on the internets. And we are chilled to the bone when we see this news item:

Japan McDonald's Holdings and Japan's mobile giant NTT DoCoMo have agreed to jointly promote e-marketing to use NTT DoCoMo's electronic wallet mobile phone service.

Ok, that didn't make any sense to us, but this photo did:




Japan McDonald's Holdings CEO Eiko Harada (R) and Japan's mobile giant NTT DoCoMo President Masao Nakamura (L) smile with McDonald's character McDonald (C) holding soft toys of DoCoMo's character Dokomodake

We knew Japablum's powers were great. But we had no idea we could predict gigantic corporate mergers in our sleep.

Also, clowns and cute cupcake dolls? F**king creepy.