Monday, January 15, 2007

Goldar: Escalation in Iraq Would Be a Mistake

Giant Japanese golden statue Goldar, also known as Ambassador Magma, who lives with his wife Silvar and son Gam in Mount Olympian, a volcano outside Tokyo, has officially proclaimed his lack of confidence in the Bush administration's decision to send a surge of 21,000 troops into Baghdad.

Goldar, a noted expert on fighting terror in his native Japan, has famously fought campaigns against such horrific terrorist agents as Birdaurus, the shapeshifting Lugo Men, the metallic Noronda, giant beetle Nardo, and Molesaurus, all unleashed by outer space terrorist thug Rodak, whose stated goal since the 1960s has been "world domination, bitches."

Speaking from Mount Olympian, Goldar regretted that the struggle in Iraq seems to be unwinnable and that 21,000 more troops will do about as much good as "Silvar trying to do battle with mini monster Ludo with her hands tied behind her back and only one fully functioning gamma ray-emitting antenna."

Silvar and Gam look on as Goldar addresses reporters. Photos courtesy of Cool Stuff

When asked what advice he would give President Bush with regard to Iraq, Goldar demurred. "I am just a simple 50-foot golden statue with the ability to morph into a rocket and shoot missiles out of my chest," he said with a shrug. "This war is now between Shia and Sunni. I am powerless."