Ann Coulter's Neck™ has been arrested and booked by the Tokyo Police Department for attempting to shoplift a mini skirt from a Harajuku boutique on the trendy Takeshita Dori shopping street in Tokyo yesterday. It is unclear why Ann Coulter's Neck™—which is known to have a substantial income from its numerous appearances on Ann Coulter bookjackets, for which it is paid handsomely—felt the need to lift a mini skirt from a shop without paying for it.
"I don't know what the Neck was doing here in the first place," said shop assistant Mariko Souseki, who caught the Neck in the act and promptly notified the police. "The average age of shoppers on this street is about 18, and that thing was clearly at least 46."
Indeed, Souseki is exactly right: Ann Coulter's Neck™ is exactly 46 years old.
"I knew it," Souseki said, excited. "That thing looked tired."
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The trashy skirt Ann Coulter's Neck™ is alleged to have attempted to abscond with.
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When asked what they think could be the motive for such a crime, the Tokyo Metropolitan Police released a statement saying, "We are unaware as of yet of any motive for the attempted theft. The Neck is currently meeting with its lawyer in jail. We will release more information as we know it."
"I don't even understand why she picked that particular skirt," Souseki continued. "It's a piece of junk. Like something a homeless, smack-addled prostitute would wear."
She then paused from looking through the racks for something more appropriate the Neck could have stolen.
"But I guess it had to cover that Adam's apple up with something."
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