Saturday, December 9, 2006

Japablum Editorial: This is not a Sport, by Japablum

Now, we here at Japablum are manic pole smokers and speedo fanboys with rippled-abs-centric worldviews. That means we know better than anyone what makes a truly great Olympian athlete. So, in light of the recent Asian Games in Qatar, which a few short weeks ago we didn't know existed (and that you've just now found out about), we are compelled to ask: should an ununiformed person pointing a gun and shooting it be considered a competitive athlete?

The answer, of course, is no, and here's why: lifting, aiming, and shooting a gun doesn't necessitate even one trip to the men's locker room. Not one. And that, folks, means it is not a real sport.

The locker room visit is a necessary staple of all bonafide sports, and real athletes know that. Who among them doesn't look forward to waltzing into that musty, steamy, man-scented terrarium, undressing in front of his teammates, perhaps enduring a few playing towel snaps on the baby-soft bubble butt, and then strapping on the kleets and/or spandex for a little friendly competition? And then the showers. Who doesn't look forward to that?

So, to recap:

ATHLETE (hey, Craig!)





(alluringly greasy, but still) NOT ATHLETES

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