WTF Dept: Bruce Willis Named Honorary Chief of Terrorism Task Force

We generally don't like to post about dome-headed Hollywood stars two days in a row, but this must be reported. Note: This is not a joke. It's totally real. Bruce Willis has been named honorary chief of the special task force for cyberterrorism by the National Public Safety Commission in Tokyo.

We don't know what this means, but it doesn't sound right. What's next? Cybil Shephard as the honorary assistant to the president of the organization for dating unhinged taxi drivers named Travis Bickle?

Hmm. That's actually something we could get behind. So never mind.

Carry on, Bruce.

WTF Department: The Cottons

Add this to the lengthy list of Things Japablum Didn't Know Existed: a group called the Cotton Council International, whose "mission is to increase exports of U.S. cotton, cottonseed and U.S. manufactured cotton products through activities that affect every phase of the marketing chain." Bored yet? Us too. We'll get to the point.

Apparently, part of the CCI's promotional push in Japan is to bestow upon some lucky Japanese celebrities honorary titles and hold a press conference. Hence this picture, featuring, from right, actress Masami Nagasawa, former baseball player Tsuyoshi Shinjo, and actress Momoko Kikuchi, who were crowned Miss Cotton, Mr. Cotton, and Mrs. Cotton, respectively. CCI chose these particular empty vessels for the honor because, presumably, they can act as Japanese Pied Pipers, leading the zombie public towards.....more cotton? Also, according to CCI, they "best personify the cotton image of pure, bright and fresh."

Much more flattering than the words ("dank, fronky, and meaninglessness") used by the National Needlepoint Association in turning Japablum down for the honor of Miss Thimble 2006.