Japablum Jukebox: Kiiiiiii

Ok, these ladies are weird. Where've they been all our lives? They're called Kiiiiiii, and that's with 7 i's, bitches.

Here they are covering a Wiggles' song.

Track: 4 Little Joeys

Japablum Jukebox: Glay

We've got a treat for all the folks out there who are fans of overwrought girly-men, spikey hair, and patent leather. It's visual-kei poster boy band Glay. (We don't know what it means either.) These guys are seriously emotional and they sometimes endorse chocolate and electronic products. Enjoy, and try not to have a seizure.

Track: Yuuwaku
Sponsored by: Vidal Sassoon

Japablum Jukebox: Morning Musume

It's a cold, rainy day in NYC, and that means that we need some color in this dank, dark room! Also, we need to annoy ourselves to within an inch of our lives in order to stay awake, which is why today's Jukebox features the nursery school squeak-pop of Morning Musume. Listen, watch, and just try to resist the compulsion to punch your computer screen in the face. It's impossible!

Track: GO Girl ~ Koi no Victory
Possible Side Effect: Death by Eyerolling

Japablum Jukebox: Japanese R.E.M

This week Japablum would like to send you off on your weekend of broken friendships and lousy sex with this 90's R.E.M. ditty performed (visually) by a much sexier crew in Japan.

Track: Crush With Eyeliner

Japablum Jukebox: Uniqlo Mixplay Thingie

It's time to get weird and random. Here is some sort of Uniqlo promotional dance video-type thing we found on the youtubes. Attn: Uniqlo, we hope to get a polo shirt out of this. White or gray, or actually, no, navy blue. We don't have navy blue. And, we're not sure what hifalutin name you have for them, but we like the stretchy kind.

Japablum Jukebox: Denki Groove

This video by Anglophilic dance act Denki Groove reminds Japablum of that dream we had a few weeks ago when we ate too much Octopus 'n Sardine Lasagna right before bedtime.

Track: Flashback Disco
Rating: Three and a half dancing daisies

Japablum Jukebox: Ego-Wrappin'

You know when you first heard a song by Puffy Amiyumi or Morning Musume and all that squeaky singing (squeanging?) made your brain fill up with pus? Well, Ego-Wrappin’ are the antidote for all that. Like a tall, cool drink of water washing down a couple of diazepam, they will soothe you. And dang if this bitch can’t sing.

Track: 老いぼれ犬の口笛
Groove: Mellow

Japablum Jukebox: The Creatures

Japablum celebrates the recent birthday of our fairy godmother Siouxsie Sioux this week with her homage to the misunderstood and really quite charming Japanese nuclear monster Godzilla. She's accompanied by two fellow creatures Budgie (her hubbie, ex of the Banshees) and former Kodo drummer Leonard Eto on drums. Lots and lots of drums.

Track: Godzilla
Translation: Gojira

Japablum Jukebox: Asobi Seksu

The 1/4 Japanese frothy Brooklyn dreampop kids in Asobi Seksu (it means 'playful sex'--naughty!) serenade us this Friday with a track called 'Thursday'. Yes, we had planned to post this yesterday, thus creating a wondrous poetic synchronicity between music and blog. But we didn't have time. So what? We can't be expected to just drop everything just so you can enjoy a thematically cohesive blog posting, can we, selfish? Jesus.

Track: "Thursday"
Today is: The day after Thursday, fine, we get it.

Japablum Jukebox: Ex-Girl

Today the three aliennettes in Ex-Girl give us a tour around Tokyo while simultaneously wearing outrageous hats.

Track: Pop Muzik
Video Quality: Low but inspired

Japablum Jukebox: Thee Michelle Gun Elephant

A raspy love song about a boy and the bike that he covets. Or maybe he already has one and covets someone else's. Or maybe the bike is a metaphor, we don't know. Done by a band who obviously picked random words out of a hat when they came up with their name. Nevermind, Japablum decrees that they're the best dressed dude band in Japan.

Track: GT400
Fun Game for Kids: Pick out the English lyrics

Japablum Jukebox: Fantastic Plastic Machine

This Friday's Jukebox presents Fantastic Plastic Machine, aka Tomoyuki Tanaka, a space-age bachelor with a pad whom you will appreciate even more after you see this picture of him.

Track: Take Me to the Disco
Grooviness Grade: 9.5

Japablum Jukebox: Buffalo Daughter

Japablum would like to send you out into your weekend of regret and embarrassment with a little love from Buffalo Daughter, who know that you're up to no good but are still willing to rock you.

Track: Volcanic Girl
Bonus Feature: Kaleidoscopic Legs

Japablum Jukebox: Akeboshi and a Gratuitous Display of Puppies

We have to admit it: we know absolutely nothing about this Akeboshi fellow. He's a singer-songwriterly type from Japan, and the cover of his album features a black cat playing the piano, so he can't be all that bad. But we must say, this song doesn't really do it for us. What does do it for us is that someone in youtubeland has used this song to accompany the absolute cutest display of puppiness we have ever seen in all of our lives. You. Will. Melt.

Track name: Wind, but more importantly.....
Featuring: Puppies!

Japablum Jukebox: Cibo Matto

Oh, Miho and Yuka, you were so weird. We miss you.

Track: Know Your Chicken
What's For Dinner: McNuggets!

Japablum Jukebox: Cymbals

It's spring and that means it's time for some breezy Japanese indie pop videos with awkwardly phrased and lightning-fast English subtitles courtesy of the late great Cymbals. Finally!

Track: Do You Believe in Magic?
Color Palette: tasteful, understated, beige

Japablum Jukebox: Pizzicato Five

We here at Japablum have been a little under the weather this week, which means our regular chunky bites of deliciously useless blog wisdom have been few and far between. We'd like to say a special thank-you to both of our readers, who sent sweet messages of concern and encouragement during our seemingly endless bout of bird flu. One thing, though: next time, we'd prefer it if you said it with money.

So here it is, our first baby step back into the chaos, credulity, and indifference of the internets: a Jukebox posting of a song by Tokyo's Pizzicato Five. It's a sweet, sweet lullabye to wrap yourself in as you desperately cling to the porcelain trough puking up bile from your gullet and tearfully pleading for a merciful, nullifying death.

Warning: She sings in English in this one, kiddies, so hold on to your hats.

Track: "Baby Love Child"
Number of costume changes: incalculable

Japablum Jukebox: Shonen Knife

Original cute Osaka weirdos Shonen Knife wear furry hot-pink hats and matching boots so you don't have to.

Track: E.S.P.
Special Feature: Peppermint Swirls

Japablum Jukebox: Cornelius

To celebrate the announcement that reclusive Japanese wunderkind Cornelius, aka Keigo Oyamada, will be touring the U.S. to support his new album Sensuous (news that rocked the world, we know), today's Jukebox looks back at the heady days of 1997 when we were all young and so much more attractive. Enjoy this little bite off of his Fantasma fandango.

Track: Star Fruit Surf Rider

Japablum Jukebox: Advantage Lucy

A jingly jangly chunk of bliss for you courtesy of Japanese indie pop band Advantage Lucy.

Track: グッバイ
Translation: さよなら