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Japablum would love to be able to write a rave review of the new official swimsuits for the Japanese Olympic swim team. Believe us, we would. But we just can't.
First of all, the point of swimsuits is to show off as much sinewy, toned, rippling, smoking hot human flesh as possible. So what gives with the unitard-like presentation? Where are the abs? Where are the pumped up pectorals? Where are the hamhock thighs and pleasantly plump packages? And what's with all the girls? Who invited
them? By our count, there are only two dudes here, and they look as sexually imprecise as a pair of Ken Dolls.
Let us be clear. Swimsuits are supposed to entice. They are supposed to do more through less, not the other way around. If Japablum wanted to gawk at a bunch of folks dressed for a step aerobics class, we'd join one.
Japablum has an idea. Just scrap these suits and start over. Here's some inspiration: