Takashimaya Winter Sale Asks Customers to "Celebrate Global Warming"

Hey everybody! Takashimaya is having a great winter sale! All bikinis, speedos, visors, sarongs, and flip flops are 50% off! Celebrate the warming of the earth in style!

At Last: Panda Toasters

Japablum knows that if there's one thing both of our readers love more than toast, it's pandas. Well, welcome to Japaradise, Japablum readers. There is now a toaster that will burn the image of a panda onto your toast. We haven't been this excited since Sony introduced those Hello Kitty-shaped butt plugs.

Japablum Catwalk: New Japanese Olympic Swimsuits

Japablum would love to be able to write a rave review of the new official swimsuits for the Japanese Olympic swim team. Believe us, we would. But we just can't.

First of all, the point of swimsuits is to show off as much sinewy, toned, rippling, smoking hot human flesh as possible. So what gives with the unitard-like presentation? Where are the abs? Where are the pumped up pectorals? Where are the hamhock thighs and pleasantly plump packages? And what's with all the girls? Who invited them? By our count, there are only two dudes here, and they look as sexually imprecise as a pair of Ken Dolls.

Let us be clear. Swimsuits are supposed to entice. They are supposed to do more through less, not the other way around. If Japablum wanted to gawk at a bunch of folks dressed for a step aerobics class, we'd join one.

Japablum has an idea. Just scrap these suits and start over. Here's some inspiration:

Ice Cream Headache Dept: C-ute

There's a new excruciatingly cute group of girls dancing around Japan and emitting high-pitched squeals atop computerized electronic jibber jabber. Sad news, yes, but Japablum is even more upset to report that the name of this roving band of tutu'd cherubs is C-ute. We're not sure how this is pronounced, but, well, yikes. Is there a youtube video of these doomed, doomed ladychildren? Oh, Jesus, there is, and it's worse--so much worse--than we thought it would be.



Japablum is now going to stick our head in the toilet and give ourselves a swirly. We're hoping it will wipe our memories clean.