Bruce Willis Flies to Tokyo to Defuse Bomb Implanted in Maggie Q's Pancreas by Terrorists

OMG! The Mac Guy was sent to help with any of his audio-visual needs!

Kirsten Dunst's Spiderman 3 Tokyo Junket: A Study in Stark, Stark Contrast

Ok, so Japablum wants to know, just what happened in Kirsten's world between this picture:



...and this one:



In the pink barely-there number, she's a wild child, a hippy Barbee, a Freespirited Girl Who Doesn't Give a Fuck. In the second, she's a fembot, a mannequin; she's Laura Bush.

Question: What Happened to Kirsten Dunst in Tokyo?

A) Tobey gave her a firm talking to about how one conducts oneself during an Asian press conference. Then he gave her a series of strawberry hickies all over her neck.
B) Nothing, she just felt like wearing something that covers all her errogenous zones, ok?
C) Don't know.

If you guessed C, you're right!

Sylvester Stallone: "At Least The Japs Still Love Me"

Sylvester Stallone, visiting Tokyo to promote his shitty ass new movie "Rocky Balboa," (called "Rocky the Final" in Japan) which totally tanked at the US box office, is happy to finally be around people that he thinks appreciate him.

"Hey, you know, American critics have said that this is my late-life crisis movie, or that it is a preposterous and unnecessary sequel or that they thought I was already dead, or that all the plastic surgery I've had has actually changed the topography of the earth," Stallone explained at a press conference. "So, you know, it's nice to be in a country where people will walk up and say, 'Hey, Sylvester, you've got great big muscles. That inspires me.' That's great to hear, you know?"

Stallone was flanked by Japanese actress Rei Dan, who has never seen a Rocky movie but was eager to agree that Stallone's muscles were "amazingly large. Like, totally big."

Nicholas Cage Happy to Let Fuyuki Moto Explain Ghost Rider

American actor Nicholas Cage, visiting Tokyo to promote his latest lump of shit movie Ghost Riders, was happy to hand the reigns over to Japanese funnyman Fuyuki Moto, allowing the leather-clad entertainer to bear the burden of explaining what the fuck this shit-ass movie has to offer the world.

Mr. Cage, who seems to be intent on draining away every last ounce of American goodwill with every single lame fucking movie he has attached his name to in the past decade, clearly hopes that Moto's sway with the Japanese public will help negate the seriously shitty pre-release press on the movie and allow it to at least not totally bomb at the Japanese box office.

For his part, Mr. Moto is hoping that this press conference will put him in good with Cage and hopefully seal the deal for the zany Japanese-American buddy movie he's written a script for called "Stark Raving Suzuki" that just needs a hot American star to give it the greenlight.

Japablum thinks wooing Mr. Cage for the project will not be a problem. After all, this asshole agreed to appear in National Treasure and the godawful remake of The Wicker Man. Seriously, has he ever said "no" to anything?